To Reclaiming My Voice

Mental Health

Feb 27

Written By Kristin Renée Rohlwing

Thursday, November 21, 2019 // The woman who wrote this poem for me did so with such graceful intuition. She asked, “what do you want me to write?” I replied, “write me a poem about reclaiming my voice.” — **Thursday, November 21, 2019 //** The woman who wrote this poem for me did so with such graceful intuition. She asked, “what do you want me to write?” I replied, “write me a poem about reclaiming my voice.”

Listen Up.

Last night I screamed but nothing came out.

I figured it might be the

walls, so I went outside

and tried again.

When the trees didn’t rattle from

the force of my voice,

I figured I needed

to climb higher.

I climbed to the top of a mountain, looked

the moon square in the eyes. I yelled,

“Goddamit, hear me,” and this time

the whole world

stopped

and listened.

Adler After Dark

Poems while you wait

11/21/2019

KP Peters

This poem was written for me at the Adler Planetarium in Chicago while on a triple date with my boyfriend, Kevin, and his best friends from college.

Thursday, November 21, 2019 // Standing outside Adler Planetarium in Chicago. We rode bikes from our apartment in the rain. It was divine. — **Thursday, November 21, 2019 //** Standing outside Adler Planetarium in Chicago. We rode bikes from our apartment in the rain. It was divine.

At the top of the year 2019, I was coming in HOT. Meaning, I thought I was hot shit when in reality I was more of a hot mess.

Wasted. Exhausted. Menopausal (no, seriously). And on the road to Manic.

It’s funny, I thought I had it all. About to turn 26, working at the world’s largest PR firm thinking I was going to be promoted. Living with my boyfriend, talking about marriage. I was right on track, right?

Graduate from the #1 journalism school in the country? Check.
Build a badass resume? Check.
Married with kids before 30? Chhee…

WAIT. How the FUCK does anyone actually expect someone to have their “whole life” together by the time they’re 25?

Thursday, December 10, 2020 // I bought myself a 14k yellow gold necklace from Awe Inspired. which goddess are you? — **Thursday, December 10, 2020 //** I bought myself a 14k yellow gold necklace from Awe Inspired. Which goddess are you?

You see, work and academics have forever been my safe space. A place where I could feel and be myself. A place where I had the power to shape my identity—something that was stripped away from me time and time again…

…sometimes it was stolen. Sometimes I walked right into the darkness. But no matter what, I always found my way back.

Except for this time.

This time was different. Because the place where I lost my identity was the one place I cultivated it: work.

I suffered a full-blown identity crisis. Completely. Utterly. Lost. My. Mind.

Do you know what it feels like to wonder if you’ll ever regain your right mind? I do. Fucking terrifying. I was being treated for psychosis. Then bi-polar. PTSD. Anxiety. Depression. But you know what it really was?

Burnout. Trauma. Grief. A spiritual death.

So, welcome to my very own… quarter-life crisis. Or as I like to call it, “Chapter 25: Thirties Are The New Twenties.” Because I’m reclaiming shit—most notably my voice and my story—but I’m also here to say that, NEWSFLASH, it isn’t possible to “have it all together.”

Not when you’re 25.

Not when you’re 15.

Not even when you’re 52.

Because we’re human.